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Marriage

the “Believer”

By | Communication, Conflict, Leadership, Life Challenges, Marriage, Parenting, Relationships | No Comments
Henry Ford changed the world.  He didn’t invent the automobile, but he figured out how to design, build, and mass-produce one that America could afford and wanted to drive.

He was undeniably brilliant, with a mind that seemed to be custom-built for the industrial age.  He was at once an inventor, designer, and production engineer.  If he hadn’t been a dreamer as well, he might have ended up just another cog in the fast-growing machine of industry.  But in the early days of Ford’s adult life, he did have a dream.  A big one.

When not at work, he spent endless hours in a little garage in which he and a few friends endlessly tinkered and experimented with the technologies they believed could combine to create a working prototype vehicle.  In those days, Ford was just another hobbyist, playing around with the dream of building a car.  He was not the billionaire captain of industry that we now think of when we think of Ford.  He was not internationally respected as a pioneer of mechanics.  He was just a man spending his evening hours mucking around in oil and grease, trying out ideas that might or might not lead to something. Read More

What Do You Think of Me?

By | Leadership, Life Challenges, Marriage, Ministry, Relationships | No Comments
A few nights ago, I was taking my wife to get a cup of coffee at the local Panera.  I was getting ready to turn left into the parking lot, but waiting for the traffic to clear, when I heard a horn honking from behind me.

As I looked in my rear view mirror, I could see a lady in the minivan motioning for me to move into what she obviously thought was a turning lane.  It wasn’t.  I had a double yellow line, and if I’d moved into the lane she was suggesting, I might have been in the path of oncoming traffic.

I quickly responded by glaring into the rear view mirror and giving this lady my best “Look lady, I’m following the laws of the road.  If you don’t like waiting on me to turn, why don’t you just go around?” face.  Somehow I don’t think she got the message.  She responded with her best “You’re an idiot” face.

This, of course, happened within the span of just a few seconds.  Very quickly, the cross lane cleared and I was able to turn into the parking lot and park.

What surprised me was how hard it was to let those few seconds go.  What if that lady did think I was an idiot?  I thought.

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After Betrayal: Does Forgiving Someone Mean You Have to Trust Them Again?

By | Conflict, Life Challenges, Marriage, Relationships | No Comments

“Forgive and forget” may be one of the most unfortunate phrases that has somehow seeped into our cultural dialogue.  It makes forgiving someone a very difficult (and potentially risky) task.  It asks the person who was harmed or betrayed to somehow make believe that one of the most terrible moments in their life didn’t happen.  In essence, to “forgive and forget” means that the offended party should somehow mentally undo the damage the other person has done.  Not only is this virtually impossible, it is unwise. Read More

Here’s What Your Last Marital Fight Was About

By | Communication, Conflict, Life Challenges, Marriage, Relationships | 2 Comments
Imagine this… you’re at your local hospital being prepared for a major surgical operation.  The anesthesiologist activates the drug stream that will send you off to la-la land, as she asks you to count backwards from 100.  You float away on a pink cloud, and the operation begins.

An hour later, you wake up mid-procedure.  You’re in intense pain and you expect the surgeon to do something about it… right now.  You scream at him to do something.

Oblivious, and holding your spleen in his hands, he responds: “Gee, I don’t think you’re really awake.” Read More

But Dad Said…

By | Authors and Books, Communication, Conflict, Kids, Marriage, Parenting, Relationships | No Comments
Little Suzy asks her mother if she can have an ice cream sandwich before dinner.  Her mother says no.  In her motherly wisdom, she intuits that ice cream before dinner equals a child with no appetite for steamed broccoli.  Little Suzy is not happy with mom’s response, so she finds dad, who is in the middle of watching Monday night football.

She asks her dad if she can have the ice cream sandwich.  He, not being quite as aware of the potential nutritional apocalypse, and trying not to be distracted from the play action, says yes. Read More

When You Can’t Afford a Full-Time Maid – A Better Approach to the Housework Fight

By | Conflict, Kids, Life Challenges, Marriage, Parenting, Relationships | No Comments
So your wife suggests to you that you should maybe help with stacking the dishwasher or vacuuming the floor and you tell her you will.

Hours later you’re watching one of your favorite shows, having completely forgotten your promise to contribute to the household chores and you hear the ominous sound of the vacuum cleaner turning on.  You also hear the theme song from Jaws at the same time—but that might just be in your head.

You jump up and head for the dishwasher… at least if you stack that quickly, you will have kept 50% of your promise.  But, alas, she has stacked it already.  Oh yeah; she’s that good.

You know that there will be some tension now because of this.  “You aren’t helping”… whatever that means. Read More