After Betrayal: Does Forgiving Someone Mean You Have to Trust Them Again?

By | Conflict, Life Challenges, Marriage, Relationships | No Comments

“Forgive and forget” may be one of the most unfortunate phrases that has somehow seeped into our cultural dialogue.  It makes forgiving someone a very difficult (and potentially risky) task.  It asks the person who was harmed or betrayed to somehow make believe that one of the most terrible moments in their life didn’t happen.  In essence, to “forgive and forget” means that the offended party should somehow mentally undo the damage the other person has done.  Not only is this virtually impossible, it is unwise. Read More

Here’s What Your Last Marital Fight Was About

By | Communication, Conflict, Life Challenges, Marriage, Relationships | 2 Comments
Imagine this… you’re at your local hospital being prepared for a major surgical operation.  The anesthesiologist activates the drug stream that will send you off to la-la land, as she asks you to count backwards from 100.  You float away on a pink cloud, and the operation begins.

An hour later, you wake up mid-procedure.  You’re in intense pain and you expect the surgeon to do something about it… right now.  You scream at him to do something.

Oblivious, and holding your spleen in his hands, he responds: “Gee, I don’t think you’re really awake.” Read More

But Dad Said…

By | Authors and Books, Communication, Conflict, Kids, Marriage, Parenting, Relationships | No Comments
Little Suzy asks her mother if she can have an ice cream sandwich before dinner.  Her mother says no.  In her motherly wisdom, she intuits that ice cream before dinner equals a child with no appetite for steamed broccoli.  Little Suzy is not happy with mom’s response, so she finds dad, who is in the middle of watching Monday night football.

She asks her dad if she can have the ice cream sandwich.  He, not being quite as aware of the potential nutritional apocalypse, and trying not to be distracted from the play action, says yes. Read More

When You Can’t Afford a Full-Time Maid – A Better Approach to the Housework Fight

By | Conflict, Kids, Life Challenges, Marriage, Parenting, Relationships | No Comments
So your wife suggests to you that you should maybe help with stacking the dishwasher or vacuuming the floor and you tell her you will.

Hours later you’re watching one of your favorite shows, having completely forgotten your promise to contribute to the household chores and you hear the ominous sound of the vacuum cleaner turning on.  You also hear the theme song from Jaws at the same time—but that might just be in your head.

You jump up and head for the dishwasher… at least if you stack that quickly, you will have kept 50% of your promise.  But, alas, she has stacked it already.  Oh yeah; she’s that good.

You know that there will be some tension now because of this.  “You aren’t helping”… whatever that means. Read More

Should Husbands and Wives Know Each Other’s Internet Passwords?

By | Blog Posts, Marriage, Technology and Social Media | 13 Comments
Login credentials have become a significant part of our everyday lives.  They keep our information safe (supposedly), and allow us access to our accounts from almost anywhere.  But in many marriages, these passwords become a barrier to intimacy.

I know that we’ve all gone security crazy over the past couple of decades, and it’s quite possible you’re thinking I’m nuts to suggest married couples share their account info.  But security and privacy are two different things.  If a person tells me that they aren’t sharing their internet accounts with their spouse because they have reason to believe their spouse will harm them in some way, that makes sense.  You need to be safe.

But when a person tells me that they aren’t giving their spouse access to their Facebook account because they deserve their privacy, I’m calling a flag on the play. Read More

Lessons From an Exhausted Parent – Guest Post by Josh Teis

By | Guest Blog Posts, Kids, Life Challenges, Marriage, Relationships | No Comments
A note from Jonathan:
Josh Teis made my day by being willing to write this amazing post for the lifeinacrazyworld blog.  I met Josh and his wife, Heather, while attending college fourteen years ago.  Josh was my prayer group leader and a very positive influence on my life.  He is not only a great friend, but a great pastor as well.  He is leading an amazing church in Las Vegas, and God is doing amazing things through his ministry.  I know you’ll get a lot out of what he shares here about parenting.
Tonight I will go home and meet my family.  I’ll arrive just a little bit after Heather comes home from work and the kids get back from school.  Jonathan (age 11) will want to play catch.  Savannah (age 9) will want to discuss something that happened at school.  Scarlett (age 6) will want to snuggle and have me scratch her back.  Yet they don’t realize that we still have to get dinner ready, do a few loads of laundry, bathe the girls, pay some bills, and take out the trash.  They also seem to have WAY more energy than do Heather and I.  We are beat!  We are exhausted!  But we also love being parents and want to treasure the time we have with our children.  I’ve learned so many truths through parenting young children over the past decade.  Here are a few lessons from an exhausted parent: Read More

Five Tips to Help Your Family Survive Social Media

By | Marriage, Parenting, Relationships, Technology and Social Media | No Comments
“Dear Facebook, I want my life back.”  I saw this post show up on my news feed a couple of years ago.  I honestly can’t remember who posted it, but it’s pretty profound, don’t you think?

I’m 33, which means I’m just old enough to have watched the social media craze evolve from a clumsy and somewhat disorganized venture to a multi-billion dollar, technically mind-boggling machine.  And perhaps, like me, you’re growing just a bit wary of what the long-term effects of this will be.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with social media, I maintain pages on both Facebook and Twitter, but like any communication and entertainment platform, there are risks.  I could go into detail here, talking about the kinds of outcomes I’ve seen in those who’ve not set healthy limits with social media… outcomes like social media addiction, reduced work effectiveness, strained family relationships, diminished drive, disconnection from friends… and, of course, the list goes on.  But you already know this.  And I won’t bore you with more details and specifics.  The research is certainly out there if you’re interested.

The key question is: if you choose to engage with social media, as most of us will, how can you maintain healthy boundaries so that you don’t find yourself telling a computer you want your life back?  Here are a few thoughts about how you can do that. Read More